Muskoka Spirits “Docker” Gin & Tonic, Ontario, Canada (4% Alcohol) LCBO $3.05 (473ml can)

Whilst I have enjoyed some of their beers over the years, this new offering from Muskoka Brewery of a ready-to-drink Gin and Tonic is particularly repulsive.

I recently spied this abomination at the cash desk of my local LCBO and as I always like to try out new products thought “Oh, I’ll give that a shot as it can’t be that bad.” How very wrong I was.

If I recall correctly, I believe that this is the very first time I have poured a beverage down the sink after a mere two mouthfuls. My body rejected it wholeheartedly. 

Pouring a hue reminiscent of the effluent of someone with a particularly nasty, lengthy, and untreated UTI, we weren’t off to a good start. Granted, there are many cloudier beers and ciders that I take great enjoyment from, but, and perhaps I am old-fashioned here, as when it comes to G&T I expect a certain degree of clarity in the glass. And you aren’t selling me at all on the artisanal/small-batch angle, as when I desire a G&T I am not seeking some murky glass of mankiness.

Addendum: I have been told that this is because they usual a natural “unbleached” tonic, which is fair enough. Just not for me.

Oh, and then there was the smell…

Have you ever made cucumber water and then forgotten about the jug of it at the back of the fridge, only to discover a container of snotty green floaters a few weeks later when you begin wondering why everything else in your fridge smells and tastes like stagnant pond water? Well, that’s the aromatic and flavour profile one finds within this can of ghastliness. That and a touch of juniper berries, ratty old dried-out old limes, and bitter cinchona bark that is applied so clumsily it would surely be enough to put even Samuel Hahnemann off the stuff.

I’m sure that focus groups have worked out that there’s a market for such a noxious concoction, but it’s certainly not for me. The Muskoka Docker is undoubtedly one of the most vile things I have put in my mouth in 2018 thus far.

(Zero apples out of a possible five)

Jamie Drummond

Edinburgh-born/Toronto-based Sommelier, consultant, writer, judge, and educator Jamie Drummond is the Director of Programs/Editor of Good Food Revolution… And that was awful.