A can of Löwenbrâu Radler. Don't do it. Just don't. Vile.

A can of Löwenbräu Radler. Don’t do it. Just don’t. Vile.

Löwenbräu Radler, Labatt, Canada (Alcohol 2.5%) LCBO/Beer Store $2.50

“Lowenbrau [sic] Radler is a blend of all natural lemonade and Munich Helles Lager. A tribute to German cyclists, this crisp and refreshing beer is the perfect drink for any occasion.”

And so reads the write-up on The Beer Store website. The perfect drink for any occasion? Who the hell do they get to write their copy?

I’ve previously expressed my extreme displeasure with Labatt’s fantastically cack-handed destruction of the Löwenbräu brand across Canada, but with this new can of disgustingly putrid suds they have really outdone themselves.

While I have been known to enjoy the occasional Göesser Radler between gargantuan wine tastings in Vienna, I’ll readily admit that the Radler beer/lemonade mix is not really my thing… but this particular example is a whole new level of ill-advised, clumsily-crafted Canadian shandy, and Labatt should be ashamed of themselves for sullying the grand German Radler tradition with this much of a lack of respect.

Unlike every other Radler on the market, this looks crystal clear, just like any mediocre cheap, light beer on the market. In the glass it gives off an unholy reek reminiscent of a provincial bus station urinal enthusiastically spattered with no-name ginger ale, with just a hint of perished latex from the ring of a discarded prophylactic. If that wasn’t enough have you running a mile, wait until you get it in your mouth. Actually, don’t bother… just don’t. Trust me, it’s not worth it. It’s positively noxious.

Pour the whole thing down the sink and crush the can underfoot to show your utter disdain for this revolting lab-born concoction.

Shame on you, Labatt. Shame on you.

Zero apples (out of a possible five)

Jamie Drummond

Edinburgh-born/Toronto-based Sommelier, consultant, writer, judge, and educator Jamie Drummond is the Director of Programs/Editor of Good Food Revolution… And that was truly awful.