Wanderoot Craft Cider... made by Molson, and it's terrible.

Wanderoot Craft Cider… made by Molson, and it’s, quite frankly, terrible. Craft?

Wanderoot Craft Cider, Molson, Canada (Alcohol 5.1%) LCBO $3.05

While you may say I’m going for the low-hanging fruit (pun intended) in attacking a Molson-produced cider, I can assure you that I’m actually not so much of a snob when it comes to such matters. Whilst I may be going against the grain here, I think that Molson do a smashing job up at Creemore, and regularly enjoy a reasonably large volume of their suds. No, I’m bringing this so-called “Craft Cider” to your attention because it is so damn mediocre. And sweet. And simply not worth your hard earned cash.

What the hell is a “Craft Cider” anyway? I saw this on the LCBO shelves a few days ago, lazily glancing at the can and thinking “Terrific… another small-batch artisanal cider to try out… that would be great in this nascent summer weather, wouldn’t it?” and proceeded to purchase six of the things. Big mistake. My wife has suggested that I put the remaining five cans up on her beloved Bunz trading group (“It’s the future, Jamie”) ISO… Hmmmm, I don’t know, 70s dub reggae records? I refused, as I simply don’t want to be associated with punting dodgy cider in an online forum (albeit semi-private).

So how does it taste? Well, it’s incredibly one-dimensional and squeaky, almost soapily, clean. It’s supposedly naturally flavoured, which is surprising to this set of olfactory organs as I have never in all my life sniffed at an apple that bears any similarity to the smell of this. Now I’m not saying that the nose is repulsive, it just smells like a cartoonish aromatic imagineering of the kind of apple they’d sing about on Yo Gabba Gabba

And did I mention how sweet it was? Crisp and lively my arse! I could feel my dental bills building with each sip of this syrup. I found myself thinking “Who the hell drinks this kind of stuff?”, but I guess that Molson discovered through an untold number of focus groups that there is indeed an audience for such clumsily vulgar alcoholic liquid candy.

Zero apples out of a possible five.

Jamie Drummond

Edinburgh-born/Toronto-based Sommelier, consultant, writer, judge, and educator Jamie Drummond is the Director of Programs/Editor of Good Food Revolution… And he should read the small print.